Transitions

Dear God,

It's been a really long time since I've written. I should know better than to avoid my obvious anchor, but I've been going through some changes. Now, (of course) we talk every day because I couldn't have made it to this point without you. But there is a huge part of me that has been locked away, hiding from the reality I am facing. I need to write today to let my voice out and tell my truth. I have a long road ahead of me and I need to be at my best in order to navigate my next steps properly.

Well, I finally did it. A little over a month ago I turned in my letter of resignation. I had been thinking about it for a long time. I was doing well on the job, but internally I was struggling with lots of things about the work. I hadn't been happy at work for a long time and that's where I spent most of my time. I prayed on this situation for quite some time. Many days I drove to work with my stomach in knots. I knew this wasn't my destiny, but what could I do?

I searched for work and found very few things that sparked my interest or matched my level of experience. I also knew I wouldn't "jump out of the pan into the fire" just to have another "job." I reminded myself that I earned my doctorate so I wouldn't have to continue working on others' dreams, but rather so I could pursue my own dreams. Problem was (and still is), I can't really name my dreams. I am the queen of vision boards, facilitate workshops on them, and yet my vision for my future is blurry. Honestly, all the things I've wanted to do seemed unattainable. But I would never know if I stayed put. I knew I needed to give myself the time, mental energy, and chance to discover what I want for myself. It's high time I honor my gifts and my needs and desires. So, that's what I'm doing.

That day, about six weeks ago, I was sitting in my office filled with anxiety. I was miserable and it was impacting me physically. I remember being at a staff meeting and just walking out a week prior. I had an anxiety attack and no one knew. I walked the block and called my parents and said "I have to quit! I can't do this anymore." Both of my parents supported me in my decision. So, that day when I felt my emotional baggage impacting my physical wellness I said "Not again. No more!" I walked in my office, played Keyshia Cole's "Let it Go" and I wrote my letter of resignation. I had no idea where I was going or what I would do, but I knew it was time. When I handed that letter to my boss, I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. Even with the stress of not knowing what I would do next, I felt relieved to know that my dissatisfaction with my current situation was coming to an end.

I drove to work with my girls at my rites of passage program, Project Butterfly New Orleans, and I knew I'd done the right thing. I was fully present for them and consequently, present for myself. My eyes were wide open and I could begin to see the possibilities. All the things I've been teaching them became real for me at that moment. I could feel my life turning around the moment I put trust in God and myself.

So, what's next? Well, I'm making changes in all facets of my life. In the next week my daughter will be moving out and on to Texas to pursue her next steps now that she's graduated from Dillard University (go Tai!). I will once again be riding solo at the crib, forcing me to reflect deeply and spend more time focusing on myself. Next, I am slowing down with all my work. To prepare for my transition, I worked five jobs (one full time and four part-time). I have been extremely tied up with work and almost every day has been filled, including weekends. I now have three jobs. I'm teaching part-time at the University of New Orleans, I'm the project director for an international study (they're taking me to South Africa in January!), and I'm working as the project director for Girl Up NOLA, a new initiative spearheaded by First Lady, Cheryl Landrieu to support girls in the city of New Orleans.

I can't even believe I am doing all these things. I am so passionate about each of these areas. I am fortunate to be able to do the things I love and get paid for it. I know opportunities abound, and I am open to whatever God intends for me to do. I am readying myself for my Divine Work and God's Divine Plan for me. I am committing myself to my overall well-being and happiness, and I'm only spending my time and energy on things that feed me. So, there you have it. My future is uncertain to some degree, but I AM certain that I will be fine (Actually better than fine). I will thrive!

Thank you for indulging me, God. I needed to tell you the truth. I still wake up feeling anxiety, but never regret. I am working on building my faith stronger so I can eliminate all this fear in my life. I know it's not real. And I am also building my courage so I can stand stronger and firmer in my values and in self-love. There are still a few things and people who need to go in my life. I know I'm closer to doing that, but I need to build up my faith so I can believe something better is on the horizon. That's real. I've seen what You can do when I have faith. That should be enough. I know it's ridiculous that somehow I need more assurance than what you've given me my whole life. I've never really been alone. You've always been there, guiding me and protecting me. What am I thinking?

Anyway, as I take this next step, God, I ask that you cover me and protect me. Please give me all the faith, commitment and belief in self and You to go for it! Please continue to bless me with reminders and lessons to keep me on my path and please let me be a blessing to others. Please don't let me fall, and meet all my needs so I am well physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially and in all other facets of my life. I know I am rightly guided so I know I am moving in accordance with Your Will. Please don't let me forget that for one minute. I also ask that you bless those around me and help me contribute to the betterment of my community and especially the healing of hearts (starting with mine). All this we ask in the Divine Order for the Highest Good. Ase'

Love,
Rashida Hiba

P.S.-Thanks in advance for answering my prayers.

Protect Black Boys

Dear God,

I continue to be troubled by the murder of black boys in our communities. It feels like we're sending black boys into the world with targets on their backs. If it's not young brothers killing each other, it's police and other vigilantes bringing them harm. I am deeply troubled because I am not emoting at all. I am definitely angry, sad and concerned, but I'm unable to express it. The Trayvon Martin murder is outrageous enough. Add to that, in the last few weeks, the NOPD has murdered several unarmed, young brothers. I am really disappointed that I'm not more alarmed. It's almost as if I expect it. I have many black boys and men in my life who are my loved ones including my students, father, godchildren, uncles, cousins, friends, companions, co-workers, etc. and I fear for their lives daily. The birth of black boys should be a celebration, but often it generates the sentiment, "how can I protect him" for parents. That's an awful existence for any human being. Anyway, I am moved to action and will continue working on this project with young brothers in the city. Hopefully, telling their own story will bring to light the impact of the awareness of their endangered status has on black boys.

Love You Always,
Rashida

Good Mornings

Every day is a gift. When we go into it "predicting" it will go wrong, we waste the blessing that God gave us. Each day is a chance for us to start over, move forward, get better, and be better. Show God you appreciate that blessing by living each day to the fullest.

Valediction: The Art of Saying Goodbye

Valediction... Is there really an art to saying Goodbye? 

Goodbye is so dramatic. 

Her lamenting and theatrics are more than my heart can bear. 

Chick needs a makeover. 

She's looking rather sad. 

I wonder if Goodbye can be graceful?
She often has such sniveling and pathetic expressions.
(What a turnoff)

Can Goodbye be elegant?
She craves the sophistication of Nancy Wilson;
And the wit of Jilly from Philly.
Not that sassy "to the left" sort of thing.

I think a more aloof and intelligent Goodbye is far more suitable.
You know, something more layered and complex...like Peace. 
That's it.
I'm trading in Goodbye for Peace.

RIP Whitney Houston

RIP to one of the greatest singers of all times. I remember when I first saw you. This album cover was all the rage. I recall all the adults around me making a fuss about you. I remember waiting for them to leave to see what they were talking about. I laid my eyes on this album cover and was totally amazed. I was so excited to see this stunning Black woman on the cover. White folks couldn't help themselves from falling over you. It was one of my first memories of Black beauty celebrated.

Then I heard your voice. Your voice... It was awe-inspiring. The fact that you were from Jersey just added to my pride. I was 10 years old. You helped me stand a little taller and walk a little straighter. You helped me embrace my own beauty and I am eternally grateful. You are gone too soon. But you left so many gifts behind that you will continue to inspire generations to come. Thank you for the gift that is you. Rest in peace.

Elle Varner- Conversational Lush Mixtape

For those of you who are not familiar with Elle Varner, I suggest you check her out. She is a refreshing addition to the music scene who marches to the beat of her own drum. She is definitely the industry's next big thing.

Elle Varner has a great voice, dope style and a thoughtful and unique perspective. Lyrically and musically she's pushing the enevelope and I am excited about what she has in store. Elle has it all and I absoutely love her. She just released her Conversational Lush mixtape and it is outstanding. This mixtape is as good as any debut album and I can't wait to see what she's gonna do next. Check out her mixtape here.

Favorite Tracks on the Mixtape

WTF

So Fly

Shaolin Jazz- Wu Tang Meets Jazz Classics

Not since my man DJ Ron G perfected the art of blending have I heard something so sweet. Shaolin Jazz is a true work of art. Picture Method Man and Miles Davis doing a collaboration. Right. Exactly. You would buy it. You know you would. I invite you to check out Shaolin Jazz: The 37th Chamber.

Support the art, y'all. Support the culture.